She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
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better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy