She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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