It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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