I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
