Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
