Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
