Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
