it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
