Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
