My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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