if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
