if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
