This is not my ceiling
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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