there's paper in my vomit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
