bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I party with great urgency now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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