Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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