The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
