He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
