im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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