theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
