She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
