is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
