I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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