Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He felt like a one man threesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
