He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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