yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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