as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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