just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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