it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
