When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
