I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
