I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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