Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
