my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize