I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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