phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize