He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
