I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
this will be a night to untag.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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