we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
FUCK WHALES
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