You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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