i think my mom watched the whole time
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
