Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
