I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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