You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
