Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
