when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
