Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
