Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
