my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
