ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
