I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
