if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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