i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
