We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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