some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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