ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So squirting runs in the family.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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