Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
