mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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