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I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
